I haven’t been on here in almost a year. So, if you’re still here, thank you, and I’m sorry I haven’t updated in a while.
After the disappearance of the man I thought was “the one,” I kind of had a complete breakdown. Who knew that someone I barely knew for two months would make me lose my mind and sense of self for six after he left? I’m crazy as balls.
After giving up on dating, I just decided to do things for myself. Traveled to Kentucky alone to visit Churchill Downs and Keeneland, took some horsemanship classes, started riding again, and, of course, hanging out at the racetrack every weekend. Not thinking about cancer at all. I tried to step away from that world for a long time because it got to be too much.
One weekend, early in December, I was hanging at the track, trying to cash in on the $10K in prizes they were giving away. I didn’t win any of that, but I did get something better.
Each time I went to bet in the Clubhouse that day, I saw this cute, little Puerto Rican guy. We kept grinning at each other vas quickly looking away like middle schoolers. Finally, he came up to me and introduced himself. Somehow, without trying, I landed myself another jockey.
He was supposed to be a one-night stand, an end to my six month dry spell, post-Foges. How could I take him seriously when we could barely talk to each other (his English was not that good when we met)?
But he never went away. He never stopped calling. He took me to church. He told his mother about me. He wanted to be my boyfriend. And so, I went with it. I bet on the longshot, as I am so wont to do.
Two weeks after we started dating, my period came back. The docs told me I was in menopause and that I probably would never conceive a child. It literally came on Christmas Eve. What a holiday surprise.
We have been together ever since that day in December at the track. We have traveled to all three Triple Crown races together. We traveled to Puerto Rico and I met his entire family. He has become my best friend and the love of my life, and this time, I know it’s for real.
The doctors said I would probably never get pregnant post-treatment. But last Friday, I discovered that I have been carrying our baby for three weeks. I guess we had too much fun in Puerto Rico!
My oncologist isn’t thrilled about this, considering I am so high risk for recurrence. But to me, this is nothing short of a miracle. I am incredibly happy and can’t wait for my ultrasound on Thursday.
Of course, I am terrified. I have no idea how to change a diaper or take care of a child and I don’t want my cancer to come back. But my decision is solid. We are going to be a family. And I refuse to let cancer take one more thing away from me. This is my new journey.